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One Phat Cat
by Jim Schill
Jumpin’ Juniper is my name, protection’s my game. I rule this domain
and all answer to me. I have first approval on any that enter, or even
dream, of entering herein. From window to door to enclosure I prowl and
stalk, with a proud tail-high strut I walk. I leave my scent on any box
or chair to warn off any and all intruders. Beware! Sure, I only see out
of one eye, but, hey, what an eye. I can discern evil intent or sweet
inclination or burning need for help with just a quick glance. With my
doting Humans as my slaves, all is right in my world.
Alas, it was not always so. This confident Supreme Ruler was formed from
early hardships. I don’t remember too much of the beginning, just
snuggling, warmth, happiness, and Mama’s milk. I remember playing with
my siblings, Gilgamesh, Gawain, and Helen. We were a happy bunch. I
remember my eye getting scratched during the “Tournaments” of rough
play, not intentionally mind you, but painful none the less. Mama licked
it for me that night and it soothed the pain. I was going to be ok.
The next day, the evil Human saw us behind his barn. We ran like Mama
told us to, but he caught all of us kittens. Threw us into a box, “too
many darn cats around here” he muttered. Later that day, he took us to
a shooting range “for sum shootin’ practice” and tipped the box
over so we could escape. I thought we were free. Then he started
shooting at us while his friends pointed and guffawed. We ran hither and
yon seeking safety. Gilgamesh was the first hit. He fell and stopped
moving. Not even a scream of pain.
The shooting stopped for a minute or two while the grunts laughed. I
took a chance on a bush I saw twenty feet away. I ran with all my might
with Helen beside me. Gawain took off on a tangent for a tree. He
didn’t make it. He went down with a scream of pain when he was hit in
the leg. Then, through the body. We almost made it together, Helen and
I. Just five feet away, Helen flopped over and didn’t move again. I
hid in the bush, shaking with fright, terrified that the evil man would
come and get me. Instead, he drove off with his friends. Just left me
there with my dead siblings.
I could see Helen’s lifeless eyes five feet away, staring into space.
Gawain and Gilgamesh lay further out, but they were without life as
well. I was so scared I couldn’t move. All I could think of was my
dead siblings and my missing Mama. Petrified, I remained hidden for what
seemed like hours. A long time later, I heard another loud noise
approaching. More Humans. Oh great.
The next thing I heard was sobbing. A young lady saw my siblings and
began to cry, “How could anyone do this!?” she wailed. A man was
with her and soothed her. “Some people haven’t any compassion or
love for God’s creatures, ….mumble, mumble…..Let’s lay them to
rest in a nice place.” They gently picked up my siblings and placed
them under the tree, one at a time. They scouted around for a better
place and decided to place them under the evergreen bush, whatever that
is. Then, they started walking toward me. Right. Straight. Toward. Me. I
was too scared to risk a move. When they got to the bush, I hissed as
loudly and fiercely as I could, trying to scare them off. It didn’t
work.
“Oh my goodness! One of them must have hidden.” Soon, hands were
reaching in and I heard a voice, the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard.
“Come here little one, I’ll help you. Come to Daddy, now. Let Daddy
take you home and take care of you.” I didn’t know what to do, but
he sounded so gentle and caring, and I couldn’t move. He picked me up
and stroked me like Mama used to. His hands were rough but gentle. He
scratched the top of my head and around my ears and at the base of my
tail. Oooh, he hit all my favorite spots.
“Hey! She looks just like Matilda. A black and white tuxedo.” When
he yelled, I spooked. Jumped right out of his hands and back into the
bush. “My she sure jumped back into that Juniper like lightning…..
That’s her name, Jumpin’ Juniper. Come back here baby, Daddy’s
gonna feed ya and take care of ya. Easy now, I won’t hurt you.” This
time I allowed him to pick me up. After that he was mine, to serve me as
I pleased.
They took us home, buried Gilgamesh, Gawain, and Helen in their backyard
where I could remember them. Daddy and Betty, the Lady, became my slaves
once in my new home. I taught them to bottle feed me Catsmilk until I
could eat real food. They doted on me and petted me and took me to some
strange lady to have a “check up”. She poked and prodded and was
worried about my eye. “It’s badly infected. She’s lost the vision
in that eye and will need antibiotics if you decide to keep her.”
Huh?! Whaddaya mean “if”, I thought. Daddy said, “Whaddaya mean,
‘If’?” The lady laughed, and shortly thereafter stuck me with
something sharp and I turned to scratch but Daddy said, “It’s
allright, baby. She’s gonna treat your eye.” After a few days, I
could no longer see out of that eye but the itching had started to fade.
It healed up but I never saw out of it again. Daddy told me, “That’s
okay little one. You’ll be fine with us. We’ll protect you. Besides,
that one eye of yours is super powerful, not like other eyes. It saw
your way to safety that day and will serve you again and again for the
rest of your life.””
Daddy has been trained to keep a clean place for my litter and to
purchase cat trees and window hammocks for me to hang out on. I
instructed Daddy in construction of an outdoor enclosure so I could get
fresh air without him worrying that I would harm other creatures outside
as I became one fierce shecat, constantly on the prowl. Many a time I
have warned off Toms who thought they were tough. Even a beast called a
“Dawg” was warned off once. I’m a good watch cat, according to
Daddy.
I’ve trained Daddy to come to me, scratch under my chin and tell me
what a pretty girl I am by lying on top of the cabinets and cooing or
chirping to him. I’ve taught him to recline in the chair to provide me
with a big warm lap to curl upon to sleep. I’ve instilled in him the
need to cater to my each and every whim with a simple, but mighty, meow
to bring my needs to his attention – sometimes his mind lapses. I
thought I was in Heaven. But I was alone as far as cats go and didn’t
realize I needed others of my own kind. However, my eye didn’t let me
down.
One day, I saw two kittens wandering aimlessly around the outer edge of
our yard. They needed help! They told me their Mama wasn’t moving and
they were hungry. I thought of my Mama and my siblings. I knew what
needed to be done. Into the house I flew, banging the catflap as hard as
I could. I commenced a bout of howling meows the likes of which have
never before been heard. Daddy jumped up in alarm and ran toward me.
Back out the flap I went with Daddy close behind, using the door of
course. I ran to the back of the enclosure and looked at the kittens
outside the fence. I looked at Daddy with pleading in my eyes. Then back
at the kittens.
After a moment, Daddy said “What a good girl. You wanted me to see the
kittens. They must be living under that old shed. I’ll go check it
out.” Out he went, he blocked me from going with him. “Their Mama
might not like you.” As if. Outside the fence, he looked around. The
kittens ran toward the shed. Daddy followed. “Oh no!” I heard him
moan. He saw their Mama lying dead on the ground. “She’s been scared
to death!” He picked her up and brought her inside the fence. She was
real stiff and her hair stuck out all over. Daddy put her down away from
the gate. “Maybe the kittens will come to their Mama.”
After a long time, with Daddy far away, the kittens slowly crept in and
came to their Mama. Daddy snuck over and closed the gate. Taking his
time, he gently caught one of the kittens. The kitten was scared and
scratched Daddy but Daddy hung on. I told the kitten Daddy would help
him and he settled down a little. Daddy stroked the little guy just like
he did me that day and took him to the spare bedroom. Then he came out
and did the same with the other little guy. I encouraged Daddy to take
care of them like he did me and they were soon full of vigor and
boisterous as all get out.
Daddy wouldn’t let me see them much until they were checked out by
that lady that poked me. They were all okay and joined our family. Over
the next few weeks, slowly, we all got to know each other. Frank and
Beans, don’t ask me how they got these names, were soon my playmates.
I have to keep them in line every now and again and remind them that I
am Daddy’s favorite; he tells me so all the time when they can’t
hear. Soooo, I claim his lap as mine and occasionally share him with
Frank and Beans. Sometimes we play chase with each other and other times
we’ll all take a snooze together, usually when Daddy and Betty are
gone to work, whatever that is.
Well, I have a happy home with new siblings. My minions watch over me,
feed me, and pet me when I want it. My new brothers keep my busy and fit
and all is right in my world. I control my domain with my eye to guide
and serve, against the bad or for the good, whatever is needed. But
mostly, admittedly, I have my Daddy. My kind, loving, wonderful Daddy.
He’s a big lug but I love him to pieces.
Jumpin’ Juniper
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